July 19: Distance

I started reading “A Fine Romance” the other day, by Judith Sills. Despite it being a little hard to understand in the beginning, it has some major good points. For one, it describes this woman who considers closeness to equal love, and distance to equal rejection. And any time her partner would become distant, it would trigger her fears of neglect. But the writer says that part of the courtship dance is, in fact, about distance. That just as we move close, we naturally move apart too, for breathing room, to regain our sense of self, to reconsider, to adjust, to think, and to simply revisit who we were prior to being a “couple.” But her biggest message was…don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about the nature of dating. Wow! I was blown away and very happy to know that I could view my situation with P in this light. I really needed to read this.

And as for P and I, we were very friendly, sexy, warm, and playful with each other for some reason. I guess we both wanted to change the tempo of that other night’s convo. He told me to “wear something blue,” when I came over and so, I did. And the second I walked through his door we went at it. Until we had to get Jackie.

I finally got to re-meet Larry, and his wife Sam, who stood at the door looking angry and suspicious. I sort of remember Larry. The personality more so than the look. I can’t believe P has to deal with a brother who’s loud, bragging, overbearing and obnoxious. Boy, did P’s apple fall far from the tree. It hit the ground and rolled miles away, into a field of flowers and trees. I mean, P’s hot too. Where did those looks come from?

Anyway, Jackie tells me that her dad (Larry) makes fun of P for not doing anything with his life. Well, if you measure a man by a job, a marriage and kids, then yes, P has fallen way behind. But, P has moved himself in a much deeper, spiritual direction that has taken a lifetime to cultivate. I love his spirit and how deep his well of knowledge goes. In my opinion, he’s traveled far and done much with his life.

So, the sex was great—fast as usual—and it made me dizzy and feel good. And then we were very playful with each other the rest of the night. He got a little cranky at one point with Jackie and maybe even me, so I removed myself from the room and went to go read. He remained bickering with Jackie for a while until finally he chilled out and we sat on the sofa and laughed over Family Guy. I fell asleep around 11:30. P put me to bed. And then, woke me up later only to bring me into the living room to sleep on the floor in the air conditioning. Much more comfortable.