Lies, lies, lies…

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August 6

Drab and humid.

I’m supposed to go down to my sister-in-law’s tonight. I almost want to drive up to Brooklyn to see Marie. It very well might save me from doing something destructive like calling C.  Every time I get pissed off with P and think he’s lied about something, I want to run to C where all my problems were apparently resolved. I don’t believe P worked last night. I think he wanted to make sure I didn’t expect him over. Then again, he’s usually able to voice that and say, “I need my sleep tonight,” or something else. Maybe he wanted his excuse to seem out of his control.

BUT THAT’S ALL I’LL SAY BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

Maybe instead of accusing him of something, I’ll do this instead:

I want you to help me do something. I am trying to rebuild confidence and trust in men, in particular. Even if it’s the smallest, seemingly inconsequential thing, please don’t lie to me. No matter how much you think I’ll hate you, or get angry, or hurt. Just give it to me anyway. Not after the fact. Before. It’s just a courtesy I prefer when dealing with people. It’s a kind, self-less thing you can do for me.

So, I taught my spin class in the morning and I think they really loved it. I always get asked now, “When do you teach again?” That always makes me feel good. And yet, I simply don’t want that kind of commitment at this time in my life. I need to workout on my own and don’t really have the opportunity to do that when I’m teaching. Anyway, it was fun and inspired me to make more spin playlists.

Now playing: Postcards from Italy, by Beruit.

We all stayed home, other than that. The boys actually played nicely all day. No real fights. The neighbors’ babysitter was out in the backyard yesterday and she was playing with all the kids. I think Angel might have a crush. He came home and said “I want to be a babysitter!” He really would make a great one, and if he took a babysitting class, it’d teach him  stuff like what to do if a stranger knocks at the door, or if there’s an emergency. Pretty cool. Liam was quiet and hung out inside on the PC or with his toys.

I did some company work and played and did laundry. Wrote some pretty good stuff for the LAA website. People really respond to my advice. I don’t know why. I just tell it like it is. On the flip side, I wish I could say the same for myself. I never take my own advice! Perhaps it’s time for therapy. I know all the answers. I just can’t seem to get there.

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