Man-made walls

August 12

God! I have never wanted someone to quit his job more than I wanted P to quit his job at the supermarket. It’s stressing me out as much as it is him. He has actually apologized for taking on this job and the stress it’s caused us both. Even though I said, “no need,” I kinda do feel like I should have an apology. It would be validation. It would mean that at least he realizes what a crummy situation it’s put us both in. Basically, this new part-time job has created a man-made wall between “us.” And I can’t help but wonder if in its dysfunctional appearance, it serves a function by playing into P’s increasing avoidance of this relationship. A protection of sorts, sold to me in the following language: “I really need this job; it’s the only thing I can do to pay my bills,” etc.

Ugh.

My day yesterday was fairly quiet. I got the boys haircuts, went out to lunch, ran errands, opened up a bank account (for P), went to the post office and yelled at the bitch behind the counter who told me my postman doesn’t have to tell me anything if I am obstructing my mailbox. He just won’t deliver my mail. “It’s not his job to tell you,” she says. Fine. I get that. But, “isn’t it a nice fucking thing to do to let someone know why they’re not receiving their mail? Especially when they don’t realize they’re obstructing the mail box?!”

“No,” she says. “Do you want to complain to the postmaster? If so, go file your complaint over there.”

Bitch.

Boys went to R’s at six. And I went to clean up the hermit crabs and then learned the dead one wasn’t dead after all! But, very sick, so, I tried to nurse him back to health by dipping him in the water, which he seemed to need desperately. I’m not sure he’s going to make it, but I’m trying.

I did laundry and finally watched The Darjeeling Limited. Beautiful film. Now, I want to go to India. Me, P and the boys.

I was in bed by 9:30. So tired. I switched back to my brand of coffee and it’s caused a huge problem—head aches, muscle cramps, etc. I really want to get back to going to the gym and taking one of those boot camp classes. Despite having a great bikini photo shoot with Elaine (compared to her who I always think of as thinner and more fit than me, I look pretty damn great) I still have loads of work to do.

 

 

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