August 17: Problem solved. I laid in bed and felt sick all day and then P came and brought me lunch, a huge chocolate chip cookie and Harper’s magazine. We talked some more and played. And then after he left, he called me to tell me something really wonderful, and I returned it with something mean. He said, “I really love the way you interact with Jackie. I think you’re a great influence on her. And I hope that if you ever decide to leave, you’d remain in her life and mine.”
“Well, that wouldn’t happen if we split up. Those are the casualties of love and breaking up. And, yet, another good reason to keep me in your life,” I added (there I go again, convincing, trying to win).
I don’t think he liked my response. But, oh well! It’s true. I like Jackie a lot, just like he likes my kids. But what if that were reversed? “Hey, can you remain a part of my kids’ lives even though I am dating someone else? It seems to me that avoidants desperately want relationships, just not intimate ones. Well, my heart would not be willing to make that kind of sacrifice.
Anyway, we were sending loving texts back and forth by the end of the night. I actually feel worlds better this morning. In fact, I think I’ll run over to Target today to do some back to school shopping with the boys.
We watched The Color Purple last night. God, I love that movie. The boys both actually stayed and watched until about 11:30. Liam fell asleep on my lap.
Angel had his first soccer practice yesterday. He said he thinks he did pretty well. He’s got three more of these intense practice drills to go through.
Side story: so, the other night at the Pub, Jackie confessed that’s she’s no longer a virgin. I already knew. It’s written all over her face. But I keep quiet while P insists she’s still a virgin. Hello!? She’s 18 years old! I mean, c’mon. Part of me feels sorry for P that he’s so naive. At any rate, I thought that was so sweet that she confided in me. I could talk to her for hours on the subject. I really think it’s a natural next step for me to go into psychology. Maybe I can work with teens? Who knows? Maybe I can help people like me?!
Volume 97 of my private journal is up and coming. I am just finishing up with #96. I can’t believe I am almost to 100! Who would have thought I would write every day of my life, since age 11?
So today is my nephew’s birthday party and everyone will be there, including the dreaded R and his girlfriend. Lately he’s taking all of his frustration out on me that he can’t take out on her. Whatever. I wish to God he would just move back to Spain, or something. No, better, Alaska. I’ll never go there.