The following blog is a firsthand account of roughly eight months of my life, from the end of May to January (circa 2008). It is based on a relationship I was going through, and which ended very traumatically. I use the word traumatically well knowing that break-ups for most people are painful, but not traumatic. For me, and for anyone who struggles with love addiction, a simple goodbye can be traumatic. That being said, these journal pages not only represent my struggles, my pain and, for lack of a better word, my stupidity, they also represent my courage and my never-ceasing battle to become a healthy person. For, after this “break-up,” I changed. I hopped into a recovery program for love addiction, went through therapy and learned to live a lot healthier.
The journal begins on May 31, about four months into my relationship with a man named “P,” and right at the point at which things subtly start to fall apart. The irony in this entry is well captured in one line: “And funnily enough P and I were saying to each other in the car ride over, “We will never, ever, ever, ever break up. Nothing will ever happen to us. We will never suffer or fight. We will always love one another…” It then goes through a trip to Spain with my sons, a trip P and I took to the Florida and it wends its way through my life up to and past the point of our break-up. It gives a rather fabulous (if I do say so myself) account of my withdrawal and an even a more delightful, insanity-filled account of the beginnings of my recovery. It is raw and unedited. It is sad. But also, filled with hope and courage. It is meant to be read chronologically, which means starting from the last date (at bottom) and reading up.
It is shared in the hopes that it will help you in your own recovery from love addiction.
A cast of characters can be found here.
Names, dates and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals, but otherwise, this journal is true account of my life as it happened during a certain time frame.